May
6
Thunder- 100 word challenge-Olivia
The night was dark, I crept out of our secret hiding place. Nothing. I sneaked into the bushes, heart bearting and nerves cranked to a deadly level. It was now or never. Gently, I pushed myself off the wall. Crack! My heart stopped. Tom was behind me, scared and worried. Thoughts rushed through my head, who would we kill tonight! A heatlight flashed and Sandy suddenly appeared.
“So we met again,” Tomas boomed.
“And this time I will take you down!” she asserted. She raised her wand and sparks thew out. Thunder clouds suddenly gathered.
We disappeared into the night.
Wow! Atmospheric stuff Olivia! I loved the short sentences to create suspense and a feeling of urgency. I loved the line she asserted, it made her sound suddenly confident an decisive.
Please have a look at the bit about Tom,in the middle, It’s not clear who is feeling scared and worried. Try reading it out loud – perhaps it’s the punctuation?
Super writing – your work is getting better every time!
Dramatic storytelling. I love your ‘nerves cranked to a deadly level’.
A small point but there are a few typos. What flashed and how did the sparks come out?
This is minor compared to the wonderful quality of writing and powerful atmospheric descriptions. Well done.
Hi Oliva,
I really love your 100 WC. The storyline is very intriguing. It makes the reader want to read more. For your next 100 WC you do, you could make it a part 2. That would be a great part 2.
Come check out my classes blog:https://rakau19.edublogs.org/
-Maisie, Year 7, Ashley School, NZ (New Zealand)