May
4
Louis I00 Word Challenge
At last, the time had come. It was bonfire night. Any time now, the flames would flicker up into the abyss of blackness. We’d play fun games around the fire and toast marshmallows. The bangs and crashes would be ear-splitting and deafening.
At that moment, the flames burst up and everyone gathered around it. Devouring the wood, the fire was louder than a lion’s roar. People carelessly chucked wood into the fire. Sharpening our sticks, we collected the squishy marshmallows and twisted them over the warm, dancing flames.
Soon after, it was the ending and we disappeared into the night…
Lovely atmospheric piece Louis. I like the way you paragraphed into the excitement before then the moment it started.
For your final paragraph I suggest that it would be more cohesive if you phrased it,
Soon after THAT, it was the END and we disappeared into the night…
I really enjoyed reading this Louis. You went straight into the action getting the story moving forward. Some lovely use of language.
To make this even better you need to make sure that your last paragraph is as strong as your first. It sounds a little like ‘and then they went home for tea.’ I think that you could tweak it to leave the reader wanting more.
Your work is really improving every time; keep it up Louis!