Alma…! by Freya
When Alma looked at the doll excitedly, she hears a sound, turns round, looks back and she noticed the doll gone. Then she walks along to see If the doll is there. Exaggerated, she sees the doll on the table and then she tries to open the door. It was stuck so she throws a snowball at the door and walks away. but then the door slowly opens up and she walks in. Then she steps on A boy on a tricycle so she picks him up puts him the right way and he turns around in a circle and hits the door so it shuts.Then when Alma looks back at the table she sees the doll is gone again. So Alma looks around but then she found him on the shelf so she climbs up and touches the nose then she becomes a doll. As that happened another doll of another child pops up.then it shows her name on the black board.
The End
Lots of action in your opening sentence. Good use of commas to separate the clauses and the list.
Mrs Murrin
Good storytelling. You have worked hard on giving your readers a really spooky tale! I listened to Pie Corbett today who challenged everyone to check their punctuation. Look out for capitals in the middle of sentences.