May 20

100 Word Challenge The Unexpected Visitor By James

I glanced outside the window, it was still raining. The sky was covered in dark blotches and lighting stabbed at the city.

I sat alone, in my chair, fiddling with a small box. Then from the corner of my room, which was undersized for me and my two brothers, a stench filled the air. I turned around disgusted, surprised but sympathetic at the same time.

In the corner was a raccoon! It was in danger. A leaf was hanging out of its mouth: it was choking. Slowly I crept forward and eased the leaf out its mouth. It was free.

Posted May 20, 2020 by james in category Uncategorized

3 thoughts on “100 Word Challenge The Unexpected Visitor By James

  1. mrsmurrin

    This scene is described in such detail James- I can clearly picture the scene. I nice balance of description of the setting and the characters’ thoughts and behaviours.
    I notice that the vast majority of your sentences begin in a similar way; several with I… several with determiners. Might a bit of redrafting improve this further? eg edingly
    Glancing out of the window, I noticed that it was still raining.
    Disgusted, I turned around…

  2. Mr Tudge

    Great opener, James! Your second sentence is a ‘corker’ as Pie Corbett would say.

    Minor grammar stuff – I’ve put in a suggested punctuation change & a spelling correction. Have a game of spot the difference!

    I glanced outside the window; it was still raining. The sky was covered in dark blotches and lightning stabbed at the city.

    Great stuff.

  3. james055 (Post author)

    Thans for the comments Mr Tudge you put a semi-colon before it and spelt lightning right


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