May 20

100 Word Challenge The Unexpected Visitor By James

I glanced outside the window, it was still raining. The sky was covered in dark blotches and lighting stabbed at the city.

I sat alone, in my chair, fiddling with a small box. Then from the corner of my room, which was undersized for me and my two brothers, a stench filled the air. I turned around disgusted, surprised but sympathetic at the same time.

In the corner was a raccoon! It was in danger. A leaf was hanging out of its mouth: it was choking. Slowly I crept forward and eased the leaf out its mouth. It was free.


Posted May 20, 2020 by james in category Uncategorized

3 thoughts on “100 Word Challenge The Unexpected Visitor By James

  1. mrsmurrin

    This scene is described in such detail James- I can clearly picture the scene. I nice balance of description of the setting and the characters’ thoughts and behaviours.
    I notice that the vast majority of your sentences begin in a similar way; several with I… several with determiners. Might a bit of redrafting improve this further? eg edingly
    Glancing out of the window, I noticed that it was still raining.
    Disgusted, I turned around…

    Reply
  2. Mr Tudge

    Great opener, James! Your second sentence is a ‘corker’ as Pie Corbett would say.

    Minor grammar stuff – I’ve put in a suggested punctuation change & a spelling correction. Have a game of spot the difference!

    I glanced outside the window; it was still raining. The sky was covered in dark blotches and lightning stabbed at the city.

    Great stuff.

    Reply
  3. james055 (Post author)

    Thans for the comments Mr Tudge you put a semi-colon before it and spelt lightning right

    Reply

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