Alma redraft…by Lewis
Alma was skipping in the snow, touching the walls happily whilst laughing all the way. Carefully, she wrote her name on a giant chalkboard there were many more names on the wall. Soft ticking found her ears. Confused, Alma turned around.
Behind her, there was a doll in an abandoned shop. Slowly, she tiptoed towards the window. It was like looking in a mirror. Excitedly, she tried opening the door but it didn’t work. She threw a snowball as hard as she could at the door and it opened.
Curiously, she sneaked inside and looked around, seeing dolls everywhere. Then she saw her doll in a different place. Suddenly, a doll on a tricycle banged into her. Trembling, Alma looked around…
Cautiously, Alma saw her doll and went to touch it. All of a sudden, screams and shouts filled Alma’s ears.
“BONG”
She was trapped in the doll. All the dolls looked at her…
Your editing and redrafting has paid off Lewis- well done.
Mrs Murrin
Ooh..Very spooky. Great work Lewis
Hi Lewis I love this story it is very spooky. You know you recommended The Whizz Pop Chocolate shop there is a follow is if you want to read it it’s called The Curse of the chocolate Phoenix.