March
26
Alma by Sebastien
Snow drifted down from the sky like condensation falling down a window. Alma ran through the snowy archway and into the frosty town. It looked like a desert of snow: Rooftops were blanketed in snow and cobbled streets were lined with frost. The street was deserted except Alma.
She passed a wall covered in old newspapers. She passed the old shop and went over to the obsidian black blackboard to write her name on like most other people. She chalked her name on amongst the others when something caught her eye. A doll. It was in the old shop
Alma walked slowly towards the doll, snow crunching beneath her feet. She wiped the cold frosty glass. It had slightly curly blonde hair and a red coat. It had brown trousers.
Lovely description, I can see Clockwork in the scene you created! Perhaps when you read it back you’ll notice that most of your sentences begin in a similar way? Use the list we created to help with that. – edingly, prepositional , subordinating conjunction etc.
I liked the idea of it being a desert of snow the colon indicates a short list of phrases here – power of 3 perhaps? Are you sure about the capital letter for rooftops after the colon?
I’m looking forward to more writing from you!
I love this Sebastien really atmospheric. I like the way you explained how it was like a desert of snow.
Did you notice all the SHE sentence starters? Look at what Mrs McCalmont reminded you of.
Mrs Murrin