October
15
The golden eagle – Freya
It was dawn, the sun was coming up behind the hill and and we were moving house. Boxes were scattered across the floor. I found my book on a shelf. I came to the mountains and climbed up and to my amazement I saw a golden eagle. It’s wings were gold and sparkly they were really glinting. It flew away to find some food. It was squawking really loudly. I quickly climbed back down again then I ran as fast as I could, I past through the woods and got home in time. My breathing was heavier than I expected.
Well done Freya! I enjoyed reading this. I liked the golden eagle appearing in the story, I could imagine it’s golden feathers shining as it was soaring high in the mountains.
Next time have a look at the sentence starters that you use the usually begin with the subject, remember those power of three sentences to add details.
Loved the description about the golden eagle maybe try and use some different sentence starters but it was a joy to read Zoe
Hi Freya,
Your use of the prompt was very clever and totally unexpected.
Others have commented in your sentence starters – perhaps you might think about re-wording this sentence:
It flew away to find some food. It was squawking really loudly.
Squawking really loudly, it flew away to find some food.
What do you think?
Thanks for sharing,
Jackie (Team 100WC)
New Zealand
Hi Freya, It’s Sebastien. I like your idea of using a golden eagle,just check your sentence structure.
Sebastien